Things I never thought I would do....

So I copied the idea of posting things I never thought I would do from Tiffany over @ Bleger Chaos .

and they are...
Well, to start off with I should say...
There is (to be totally honest) a whole list of things I never thought I wouldn't do when I was young but when I became a Christian they became things I never thought I would do, things that I am not exactly proud that I have done that began with falling in my walk with God(rebelling, not regularly attending church, loosing touch with people that one time meant the world to me, drinking, smoking, sex before marriage, being basically a single mom...and more) but I don't regret these things because they have made me the person I am today, and some of them have resulted in Riley's existence, and without him my world would not turn.
1. The number one thing that I never thought I would do, that I have done at the age of 26 is to lose (to cancer) the one person that was in my life and at one time she was my very best friend in the entire world, basically my sister. Although we weren't extremely close when she went to heaven, her leaving earth has shaken my world in ways I never thought the loss of a 'non'-family member could. I guess this being because she was a sister to me and nothing less, she knew my heart like nobody else even to this day, I once had a dream-scratch that-a nightmare that she passed away(years before she did) and it is to this day one of the only dreams I have ever remembered, I cried when I woke up, it was a nightmare, the thought of loosing her...so the reality of it has been in so many ways a living nightmare. It's devastating and I NEVER thought I would go through this, during this stage in my life.
Rest in Gods arms Alisha, but know that you are so very much missed and so, so loved.





and now...the more upbeat things I never thought I would do....

2. Take 7 kids on a 10 hour road trip to campsite with a tee pee in which we would camp in for two nights with only two mommies...and we not only survived, but it was so much fun!

3. Let my son run around in a diaper {a lot}.
4. Join myspace/facebook
5. Own a Chevy
6. Desperately want to own a mini-van.
7. Walk on the River trail for fun. a lot.
8. Continue college
9. ... to be a teacher
10. Long to go to the zoo. any zoo.
11. Think that sleeping till 8:00am was sleeping in
12. Let my child drink a bottle past age 12 months 13. Give my child formula (this was out of my control, he would have starved otherwise)
14. Win stuff from blog giveaways
15. Read blogs
16. Write blog posts *especially ones with days of the week @ the end of their title.
17. Do 3 gazillion loads of laundry every week

18. Buy stuff on Ebay
19. Allow my child to sleep with me

20. Let my son's hair grow out long and shaggy because I am a sappy mommy and I'm attached to his curls.
(after his hair 'cut')
21. Let my one year old eat sweets and such
22. Give my child probiotics and fish oil supplements
23. Live in Durango by choice

24. Look forward to nap time
25. Be licked by an elk

So with all of that being said, the following are things I have not done, but fully intend to do, asap:

1. Never smoke again
2. Finish College
3. ...become a teacher
4. Raise my son in Durango
5. Go to church regularly
6. Restore my relationship with God
7. Continue to walk on the river trail. a lot.
8. Go camping often, with as many kids/people as possible
9. Let my sons hair keep growing
10. Continue with most if not all of the things on my fun, "I never thought I would do" list! ...oh and get into shape!

Memorial Box Monday: My Cell Phone

Memorial Box Monday is a really awesome way that Linny shares what God has done in her life, the story behind the 'memoral box' is also very special and I am proud to say that I am starting my own memorial box this week, the memorial box that I won on a place called simplicity!

My memorial box moment happened the day before yesterday, and actually part of it happened the day before that. On Friday, I was looking through my cell phone and I found a picture that I wanted to put on facebook. For some strange reason the "upload directly from phone" feature never works for me on facebook, so i decided to dig around and find a mini-sd card and do it the old fashioned way, if there is an old fashioned anything that includes a cell phone that takes pictures and accomodates a 'mini-sd card'. So I put the little tiny, fingernail sized piece of technology into my phone, transfered the picture I wanted onto the card and then I heard my heart telling me to transfer all of the pictures. I did.not.want.to transfer.all.280-something.pictures. I only know how to do it one picture at a time, which takes a few seconds and 5 clicks of my finger for each picture, which is fine for a photo or two but it takes a while to do that 280 times. Anyway, I listened and did it. I thought to myself, atleast I will have room to take more pictures now. I was confused as to why I was so compelled to do that, but I did it because, I was, well compelled. I thought atleast 52 times while completing this process that it was best, because a few months ago I left my phone on top of my car and drove off, promptly hurling my phone onto Candalaria Blvd. in Albuquerque at which time it was ran over dozens of times and destroyed. Luckily most of my pictures were on a tiny sd card, but I thought that the card was in the phone and also destroyed. A bit of background, my pictures, of my little boy, they are so precious to me. I was in a tizzy, a total tizzy for hours, searching up and down the BUSY road, for any sign of my phone and the tiny sd card. Not caring a lick about the phone, but only wanting to find the sd card....then I went home and found the card that I had thought was in the phone all of that time. I am quite sure that God didn't want to see me go through that tizzy again. So he told me to transfer the pictures and take the SD card out that day. The following day, I lost my phone again. I was quite sure that I had done the same thing as I did in Albuquerque, driven off and allowed it to get run over. I didn't have the panic feeling though. I drove up and down once, didn't see the phone, went on about my business...content that I would take advantage of the insurance I carry on my cell phone and thanking God over and over in my mind that I had transfered the pictures. Later in the day, I found my phone, it had ironically had a dead battery at the very moment that I was thinking I had left it on top of my car, leading me to believe that it had been run over and broken. I was happy to find the phone, and even happier that God cares enough about me to not let me have even one hour of panic, that he loves me enough that he orchestrated the situation to where I would not be in a tizzy but be greatful and content with the thought that I had lost my phone. I think I will use the 50.00 I would have paid to replace the phone via insurance to do good deeds, and pass out the crazy love cards I picked up @ church on Sunday along with the good deeds... I need to figure out what I will put in my new memorial box to commemorate this memory...a tiny phone may be? Or a mini-sd card possibly...I will find something I am sure.

Crazy Love Prayer Requests, my son, relationship, health and motivation

Well, I don't know really where to start, as you can see this is only my second blog post ever but I really wanted to be a part of Linny's crazy love prayer post so if you have a prayer request and you happen upon this brand new blog of mine click right here to link up and join in the crazy love.

Now onto my prayer requests, truely I am greatful for the wonderful things in my life and sometimes I feel like my requests are too small, then I have to remind myself that nothing is too small for God and so here it goes...

My son is suffering a rash, it is not life threatening and it doesn't seem to effect him greatly but it itches and it breaks my heart to see him so uncomfortable somtimes. The doctor has given me very little explination and they don't seem conserned but I still wonder every day if he is allergic to something I am missing or if there is anything more I could do, we have a Dr. Appointment tomorrow @ 8:30 AM so if anyone reads this early, some cooperation on getting an allergy test done or some answers would ease this mama's heart and hopefully lead to us being able to get rid of his poor little rash.

Speaking of my son, his father and I have a very broken relationship. He comes from a very broken childhood and my childhood had its ups and downs as well. Right now we are seperated and it is probably for the best, but my heart is continually broken because I want nothing more than for us to be a family. I read Linny's blog and I read about how wonderful her husband is and I long for a caring man like him. I know that Daniel has it in him but he has a lot of healing he needs to do and I just don't know what is meant to be anymore. Gods guidance and comfort would be wonderful right now. I know he is right here with me every second but sometimes it is hard for me to put one foot in front of the other when it comes to reaching out to Him and really putting my trust in Him.

Health and motivation go hand in hand for me, I want to be healthy but I need to be motivated. I have some weight I would love to loose, and just getting out there and being active would be healthy both physically and mentally for me. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a vicious circle, I am not motivated because I am not healthy and I am not healthy because it is hard to find motivation. I just need a jump start and strength to really stay motivated.

A good friend of our family is also dealing with the death of his son, he needs prayer and Gods comfort for sure.

My fathers health (he in particular has battled illness in his life) and the health, happiness and long life of my family and friends is definitally a prayer request as well.

Thank you all for taking the time!

In CrAzY love,
Michaela

P.S. My sons name is Riley, my father is Mike and Riley's dad's name is Daniel. My family friend who lost his son, his name is Jim and his son's name is Bart. =]

Bart James Rudisill, memorial.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

"Okay"

Well, this is going to be an adventure to say the least. Things aren't really over between Daniel and I but things aren't really anything between us either. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and I have taken a few wrong turns, but I had always hoped that the road would loop back around and eventually we (Daniel, Riley and I) would be back on course. I am not sure this is happening, I am at that stage in the drive where I really am not sure if I am going the completely wrong direction or if I am headed to my destination but in a round about way. I was doing good this morning, besides the fact that I was really worried about a work road trip that had taken Daniel over 3 snowy passes late at night, I was still doing okay. It wasn't until he came here after work and then I broke down. I want so much to be a family, to grow old and have grandchildren come and visit us in our home that we own and to just know that we are in this together, forever. I want Riley to know what a real family is, I want to emulate a real relationship filled with honesty and trust, love and generosity, I want us to be a team and to be rich with love and that is all I really want. Of course I want security and stability but that is the easy part. I am now finding that no matter how much I want our life to be wonderful and no matter how hard I try or how many times I forgive and forget, no matter what I do, I can not do for anyone but me. I can not want for anyone but me and I can not make something happen by myself when it takes the will and the drive of two people, no matter how strong my drive is it isn't enough. I am just leaving it in God's hands at this point. I know that I have done my best, I know that I can look back in 13 years or 23 years or 33 years or whenever Riley wants to know what went wrong between his mama and daddy and I can say with a clear conscience and a pure heart that I wanted nothing more than for things to go right...that I was ready and willing to go to any length to make amends for my mistakes and to make a beautiful life for us with his daddy and as a true family. I will continue to keep driving on, to keep going and see where I end up, but today marks the first night that I don't expect for Riley's daddy to come home and crawl into our bed and that I am quite certain I won't wake up to him in the morning. Tonight has brought a lot of tears, certainly making up for my emotional strength this morning, but tonight my heart is broken because it's real now. It's real and it's hard and there's nothing I can do to change it, because believe you me, I have tried. I know everything will be okay, I am strong and beautiful, I am brave and loyal. I have a huge heart and the most precious beautiful son on the planet, so I know things will be okay. I know I am blessed, we all have our life and our health we all have our essentials and we have so many people that do love us. Everything is going to be okay, but that doesn't change the fact that right now, this moment, the unknown is hard to swallow.
Riley,
I love you baby boy. I love you with all of my heart and I want the best for you no matter what. Everyday we will take one at a time and we will listen really hard for God to guide us and for us to go where He is leading us. We will be okay, because we have each other, we have so many people that love us and because we have God and he is taking care of us each step of the way. Even when we make wrong turns, he is there with us on the detours. XOXO Never forget that your mama loves you and always know that I have done my very best, that I have tried to move mountains to make sure that things are right for you, for me, for all of us. XOXO Mama